I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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