LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
