You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
