wrigley field is MILF paradise
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
