Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
