The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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