yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
