Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
home. puking in laundry basket.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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