Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
