Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
