So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize