Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
