Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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