She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
