Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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