i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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