Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
