so explain again why im purple
no
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
did i just pee glitter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
