They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
