I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Randomize
