I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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