He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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