Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
