if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
