I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
