i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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