Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
