I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
