my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
