I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you still have your period?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
