I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why do cheetos always look like penises
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
