Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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