yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
