He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize