I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
