When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
