Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
