I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
