these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
