We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
