My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
