Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
