Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
