I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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