just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
