you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
