remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
