One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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