Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
