I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
