the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
