Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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