remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
