Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
