can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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