You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
