I feel great
I just peed on a car
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it penis luge time yet?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
