she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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