It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
