i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
