Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
