Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
