I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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