Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
