Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
