Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
