Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
