She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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