fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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